I hate socializing.
Stepping into the party with a sheepish grin, I wished for a vanishing cloak. Oh, to have been able to evaporate into thin air. Mama said that, as a growing young lady, I must become more social. But it’s scary to see every eye in the room fixate on you, gauging you, whispering judgments behind their hands.
All the girls there were beautiful, some with their long hair loose, some with soft curls. A few had upswept buns, their stylish bangs framing their eyes. I eyed them, smiling when one of the ladies approached and said,
“Hi. Who are you, pretty girl?”
Pretty. I felt a lump in my throat. I thought I was good looking, but not pretty enough to be noticed immediately. I loved this and pointed to my mother with a smile.
“Oh, Sara, you have such a pretty daughter.” She commented. Touching my cheeks, she added,
“You would have looked nicer if you would have let your hair 
loose.”
To be more comfortable that night, I had tied my hair in a simple braid. Until the end of the party, I imagined myself with my veil of hair loose and hanging down to my waist.
At the next social event, I entered with my long hair falling free. Many eyes admired me and I love the feeling. I got many compliments, yet one of them said that some soft low curls would have made my look more 
gorgeous.
After this, two thoughts disturbed my mind. Was my hair truly fixed properly and how would soft curls look on me? I took to changing things.
When the next party night came, I entered with soft curls feeling extremely conscious. I had fought with my siblings when their hands had accidentally touched my hair, as I’d wanted to be perfect. Again, many admired me that night, yet one said,
“You are so beautiful yet a little style would make you more gorgeous.”
“Style? What style?” I asked her.
“A haircut in layers with bangs would make you look so adorable.”
My worries increased threefold. I remained preoccupied about my hair being loose, with curls and now styling it with bangs and layers.
The next day, my mother was horrified with my desire to change. She said fashionable cuts ruined the natural beauty and health of the hair. But the thought of looking more gorgeous drove me to ignore her advice and I got my layers and bangs.
When my friend’s bridal shower came, after much time fussing and preparing myself, I entered with my new style. I anticipated a lot of impressed looks and was noticed almost immediately. A friend commented,
“Oh, you look astounding with your new cut, but…” I cut her off.
“But what?”
“Your dress is a bit old fashioned and doesn’t really match your new hairstyle.” I went home that night with even more worries.
Needing an immediate fix of my wardrobe, I spent a ton on laces and frills, spending many late nights researching the latest styles online. I spent a lot of energy making a seamstress understand the details of the gracious style I needed.
When all was ready for the next party, I entered stressed and concerned to the point of distraction. I wanted to look the best and be the lady of the evening. I came in worrying that my frilled and netted gown stay perfect that I couldn’t even enjoy the stares of the party goers. I concentrated moving gracefully to please everyone that I couldn’t participate in any conversation.
In my mind, I took in the glamor and attention feeling confident that no-one could have any suggestion as to how my style and hair could be any more perfect. Then, while faking in front of a lady, a soft touch landed on my shoulder.
Turning, I saw my beloved school friend, Zunaira. She stood simple, yet her beauty seemed glorious and shining to me. My gaze settled on her innocent face.
“I couldn’t recognize you at first! You have changed so much in the last year.” She said to me.
“You looked beautiful, but…”
THIS BUT
I sighed. I let dear Zunaira continue.
“But you looked prettier before, at least to me. I loved your simple style. It made you so different from my other friends. You don’t seem as comfortable this way.”
We were interrupted then and she left, yet I caught my reflection in the wall mirror as she walked away. Tears burned behind my smiling eyes, as Zunaira had cut to my core with her simple words. I didn’t like what I’d been doing. I constantly worried about my looks to the point of always feeling shaky, never truly confident. I disliked being so desperate to please others.
From that night on, I left behind the changes I’d made. I became a social solitaire. You’ve seen them; they are part of all the social activities, yet their solitaire personality stands out. They are totally comfortable being themselves. Being happy with myself became my priority. And the weight of pleasing others left my shoulders, where my simple braid now happily rests.
Truth of today. But the thing is that it’s not only girls but now even boys are the part of this race. In general our young generation is so much occupied with the thought of creating a perfect image in front of others that they totally forget that a temporary impression doesn’t last long. The beauty of a person is in their spontaneous attitude, when they are being their true selves.
This “free sharing” of inmafrotion seems too good to be true. Like communism.
You’ve reached out and touched the very sentiment most have ruined their lives for. The act of what others think. You brought back so many memories.
Reading this reminded me of the diaries I wrote when I was a teen. How I looked… What people thought of me… How I wish… Even after Pardah, the want to look perfect never went away.
Becoming more mature compelled to come out of that myopic web of narcissism. Its so liberating.
Thank you for reviving all those memories, Ayesha. You painted such a vivid picture through this artistic piece of writing. Amazing work mashaaAllah. I want to read more.
Hafsa, your comment made my day. Stay blessed!
Wow, your post makes mine look felebe. More power to you!
What a pleasure to find someone who ideftinies the issues so clearly
Impressed with ur work. A bitter truth and reality of our society. But the sad part is we all are running the race except few. May Allah s.w.t put blessings upon us and guide us to the right path.Ameen
Amazing how you have let your readers to keenly spy themselves and their desires of being perfect all the time and I am spellbound by the astounding theme of the story *social solitaire* which has touched my heart and clicked my mind 🙂
One or two to reembmer, that is.
Thanks for sharing this it’s a good read , this young girl should just be herself and not try and change to please everyone
What liienatbrg knowledge. Give me liberty or give me death.
It’s not difficult to relate to the write-up above. I believe many girls think that way but I also believe that it’s the lack of confidence and encouragement from the family that results in a girl being nervous or unprepared to go somewhere.
Society has so many expectations and it is true that one cannot please everyone at the same time. It is however, better to be what you are rather than trying to inculcate yourself into another being.
Dude, right on there brhteor.
Oh gosh… I thought it will not end! The character was getting annoying trying to please everyone like that. I’m so happy her friend made her realise a couple of things inside herself and that being original and simple is what actually made her stand out from the others.
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The abliity to think like that shows you’re an expert
simple and relevant.
We spend so much time and our energy in gaining the praise in other person’s eyes. In pleasing the world. Especially with our attire and style.
I don my abaya most of the times but this is definitely my point of concern too. what to wear 🙂
Play iniavmotfre for me, Mr. internet writer.
Maa shaa Allah sis this really touched me. This is such a huge problem in society where a woman is never good enough and she is made to think that her worth is in her appearance. I’m so happy for her friends comment at the end that made her feel happy to be herself once again =)
Thanks
My prbolem was a wall until I read this, then I smashed it.
Oh I love this post!tjis is a must share with teenagers and young adults. I was that girl but Alhamdulillah better to realize late than never!
Thanks Haifa
It’s great to find sooenme so on the ball
Alhamdulillah I have never been fussed about what people think of me and how I look. Society can make it hard but I don’t go with the latest fashion and the latest haircut…I don’t even wear make up! People don’t matter!
Wow! I love this!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for the feedback. Yes you can subscribe to my website to receive the notifications. Stay blessed!
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